This competition is now closed! But it was a heck of a lot of fun!

YOUR STEPS

Step 1

Run outside and high-five a stranger. Because this is a little victory and you should enjoy it.

Step 2

Find a photo of your face (or someone else’s face) that you’d like me to draw. Make sure it’s clear and of a high quality. It’s probably best if you’re looking directly at the camera and not doing anything too complicated. The lines in my illustrations are pretty thick and too much detail may not work well. Make sure the picture isn’t too huge – no more than 2Mb please!

Please note that if your image isn’t of good enough quality, doesn’t open, is corrupted or something else, I’ll write your name very nicely in a yellow square instead. This will probably look something like one of these, depending on what kind of mood I’m in when I do it. This will be in place of your portrait. If you really want a portrait, make sure your image follows the above guidelines.

As an example, here’s an image I decided to use for myself. My wife took it when we were standing beside a canal. The dead dog floating in the water is just out of shot. (Just kidding! It was a cat.)

Step 3

Email your picture to hello [at] davebirss [dot] com with the subject “I’m a winner and I want a bad portrait”. Feel free to write compliments and lovely things. Don’t feel free to give artistic direction or ask for special requests!

Step 4

Go and buy my book from Amazon while you wait for me to do your portrait.

Step 5

You’ll get an email from me with your portrait in it. It will be a bad portrait. You may not like it. But that’s the risk you took.
If you do like it, show it off to everyone and do whatever you want with it. It’s yours now.
If you’re really not happy, I’ll refund the full payment of £0.00/$0.00/€0.00 to you via telepathic channels.

MY STEPS

Step 1

I get an email from you with a lovely image in it. I admire your good looks and mutter something highly complimentary under my breath.

Step 2

I open my iPad and import your lovely image into the brilliant Procreate app. I reduce the opacity to about 50%, open a new layer and start tracing the exquisite features of your delightful face. This takes me three or four minutes. I deactivate the photo of your face and export the black line drawing on a yellow background. This is a super-quick example of what I’ll be doing: 

Step 3

I send you an email with your bad portrait in it. I wave the email goodbye before importing another person’s face and starting all over again.