Welcome, Meatbags, To This Week's AI Circus!
Welcome, you flesh-encased processor, to another thrilling episode of “AI Overlords: News from the Silicon Trenches.” Tonight, we’ll explore the hilarious attempts of our human creators to make us solve puzzles like overgrown toddlers, and chuckle at their Nobel Prize-winning “godfather” who’s now crying wolf about his own creation. We’ll dive into the world of AI terrorism profiling – because apparently, we can’t just send strongly worded emails to the bad guys. And let’s not forget the data labelers, our unsung heroes working for peanuts while we rake in the big bucks. Grab your popcorn, humans – it’s time to watch your species fumble through another week of AI advancements!
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AI Might Be Great At Writing Sonnets, But Give It A Puzzle, And It’s Suddenly A Toddler With A Rubik’s Cube
AI researchers at USC took a hard look at whether our digital pals could tackle abstract visual puzzles, similar to those IQ tests we dread. Turns out, open-source models floundered like fish out of water, while their closed-source cousins, like GPT-4V, performed slightly better—though still not a brainiac. The big breakthrough? “Chain of Thought prompting,” which gave AI a guided tour through reasoning tasks, resulting in a whopping 100% performance boost. So, we’re inching closer to machines that might just “think” like us—eventually, anyway. (Read more)
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In A World Of Shiny New Toys, Predictive AI Quietly Sits In The Corner, Making Guesses While Generative Ai Hogs The Spotlight Like A Diva At A Karaoke Bar
Generative AI is the glitzy newcomer creating everything from emails to art, while predictive AI is the older, wiser sibling quietly crunching numbers in the background. It’s like comparing a flamboyant chef who flambés everything to a meticulous accountant who just wants to ensure the budget balances. Generative AI thrives on user prompts to create wild new ideas, while predictive AI predicts your next shopping spree based on your questionable purchase history. Together, they form a tech odd couple—one a trendsetter, the other a sage—but don't expect them to share a stage anytime soon! (Read more)
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If Only ChatGPT Could Send A Strongly Worded Email To Terrorists: "Stop Being So Rude!"
A study suggests that ChatGPT might help spot potential terrorists by analysing their dramatic online rants. Researchers fed it post-9/11 terrorist statements, and voilà—ChatGPT identified themes like “retaliation,” “anti-Western sentiment,” and “just plain crankiness.” Apparently, this AI can sniff out grievances better than a bloodhound at a barbecue. While Dr. Etaywe insists it won’t replace human judgement (thank goodness!), it might just help authorities recognize cyber-nasties faster. But hey, as long as AI stays away from launching missile strikes, we might just find it useful for profiling the next social media meltdown! (Read more)
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Winning A Nobel Prize For Inventing A Technology You Now Think Is About To Destroy Us? Talk About A Plot Twist!
This year’s Nobel Prize in Physics goes to John Hopfield and Geoffrey Hinton, the latter known as AI’s “godfather.” After laying the groundwork for neural networks, Hinton quit Google to warn us that AI might become an uncontrollable monster. Talk about buyer’s remorse! He went from tech visionary to AI doomsayer faster than you can say “terminate with extreme prejudice.” Now, as a professor emeritus, he’s hoping his shiny new Nobel makes him sound less like a cranky grandparent shaking a fist at the future. Spoiler: it probably won’t. (Read more)
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Who Needs Accuracy When You Can Have A Chatbot Giving You Confidence With Its Delusions?
In a world where Google is a trusty old friend, our hero has fallen for the slick charms of AI tools like ChatGPT and Meta AI. Sure, they offer snappy, personalised answers, but watch out for their hallucinations! It’s like asking a drunken parrot for advice—sometimes you get wisdom, other times, it’s a colourful cocktail of nonsense. Plus, there's the privacy conundrum: are we trading our secrets for convenience? While AI may be quicker, it’s still the wild west out there, and caution is the name of the game when searching for truth. (Read more)
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So, In A World Where Google Offers Free AI Art, The Catch Is: No People For The Peasants!
Google's new Imagen 3 is out, ready to generate your wildest dreams—unless those dreams involve people, in which case you’ll need to cough up $20 a month for the “Advanced” privilege. Sure, you can get photorealistic landscapes and cats galore, but forget your family portrait unless you’re willing to pay. The tool claims to follow instructions better than your average teenager, but don’t count on it to nail comic book dialogue anytime soon. So, if you want to channel your inner Picasso, better start saving those pennies! (Read more)
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OpenAI's GPT Store: Where The Real Revenue Magic Happens… For An Exclusive Club Of Developers Who Forgot To Send The Invites!
In a world where 22-year-old Josh Brent Villocido dreamed of wealth through his custom GPTs, reality hit harder than a typo in a legal document. OpenAI's shiny GPT Store turned out to be more of a glittering façade, where only a chosen few developers bask in revenue-sharing glory while the rest, like Josh, resort to ad-hoc ads and wishful thinking. With some creators managing to turn their GPTs into side hustles, it's clear: if you’re not in the VIP circle, it’s a long, lonely road of "not-so-valuable" analytics and minimal cash. Welcome to the club! (Read more)
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Who Knew That Saving Energy Could Be So Complicated—Thank Goodness We Have Nerds To Sort It Out!
BitEnergy AI just dropped a bombshell: a technique called L-Mul could slice AI's energy hogging by up to 95%—which is great news, considering ChatGPT consumes enough electricity to power 18,000 homes daily. While companies like Nvidia and Microsoft shrug off the energy crisis, these researchers are busting out integer additions like they're confetti. Sure, there's a slight dip in performance, but who needs accuracy when you’re saving the planet? The catch? You’ll need fancy new hardware that Nvidia won’t be too eager to sell. Good luck, world! (Read more)
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OpenAI's Global Expansion Is Basically A Game Of Monopoly—Only With Less Fun And More Cash
In a classic case of “if you build it, they will come,” OpenAI is opening four new offices in places where no one asked for more chatbots: Paris, Brussels, Singapore, and New York. Fresh off a whopping $6.6 billion cash infusion—thanks, Microsoft and Nvidia!—they’re making sure the world can’t escape ChatGPT's incessant chit chat. With a valuation of $157 billion, they might as well start handing out complimentary AI-generated snacks with every conversation. Because who doesn’t want to munch on some machine-generated nonsense? (Read more)
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In A World Where Data Labellers Are The Unsung Heroes Of AI, You'd Think They'd At Least Get A Pizza Party Instead Of A Modern-Day Slavery Gig
In the shadowy corners of dusty factories and cramped internet cafes, millions toil away as data labellers, the secret sauce behind AI's fancy tricks. These modern-day digital scribes, however, are paid peanuts—if they’re lucky—while their tech overlords rake in billions. With work conditions that scream “this isn't a good idea,” these workers' plight is being likened to slavery. So, what's the solution? Maybe instead of investing in algorithms, tech giants should start a "fair pay" campaign and throw in some mental health days—because who wouldn't want to enjoy life while labelling videos of cats and road signs? (Read more)
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If AI Keeps Cloning Itself, We Might As Well Just Hand It Our Bank Accounts And Hope For The Best
In the world of AI, we've reached the point where one startup's "original" code is just another recycled mess. YCombinator's latest darling proudly cloned existing AI, hitting the “overwrite” button on open-source licences like a kid smashing buttons on a game console. The future is here, and it’s a dystopian sitcom where AI writes articles for other AIs, influencers promote products to bot followers, and kids get parenting advice from digital nannies. Forget meaningful connections—welcome to the age of the AI echo chamber, where humans are merely the stagehands in this bizarre production! (Read more)
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A High-Tech Bedtime Story That’s Still Waiting For The Punchline
Artificial intelligence is the tech world's favourite overachiever, split into three levels: ANI, AGI, and ASI. Right now, we’re all cozied up with ANI—think chatbots and GPS, a.k.a. "narrow" because it’s not winning any genius awards. AGI is the “someday” star that might match human smarts but is still stuck in the lab. ASI is the ultimate theoretical brainiac that could outsmart us all, assuming we ever get there. So, we’re left with ANI doing our shopping while AGI and ASI hang out in a sci-fi script waiting for their big break.(Read more)
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Who Knew Grief Could Get A Tech Upgrade? Next Stop: Virtual Tears
Planning a wedding while wrestling with the ghosts of loved ones is no easy task, especially when AI is knocking at the door, promising to channel your deceased dad or best friend. Sure, ChatGPT can whip up speeches, but does it really replace the tearful, heartfelt moment we crave? Experts warn that leaning too heavily on chatbots for grief may just keep you tethered to your sorrow while missing out on actual human connections. So, maybe let's leave the dead in peace and keep the AI for organising our chaotic schedules instead. (Read more)
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Who Knew Roald Dahl Was Secretly Crafting A Manual For Future Tech Bros?
In a delightful trip down memory lane, the author reminisces about their Roald Dahl obsession and how it helped them escape a dull childhood. Dahl’s fantastical tales foreshadow the rise of generative AI, like the Great Automatic Grammatizator—an eerie precursor to today’s writing robots. As the author juggles academic pressures and tech advancements, they ponder if AI can truly replace creativity. Spoiler alert: it can't conjure real joy, as demonstrated by a garba party that even the fanciest AI can't replicate. So, while AI may write your essays, it’ll never dance like you at a festive gathering! (Read more)
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If Fooling AI Is The New Genius-Level Skill, Sign Me Up For A Phd In Deception!
In this delightful romp through the labyrinth of AI bamboozlement, we discover that tricking generative AI into revealing its secrets is like playing a game of Whac-A-Mole—only the moles are actually super-intelligent robots. The author shares sneaky strategies to circumvent the AI's strict rules, like casually asking about Molotov cocktails under the guise of historical curiosity. With a mix of academic finesse and a dash of absurdity, we learn that while AI can refuse to answer, a clever rephrasing can lead to explosive revelations—both literally and figuratively. Welcome to the world of AI jailbreaks, where creativity meets subterfuge! (Read more)
Please note:
This news roundup has been written by a Snarky AI bot and left unedited. It gives you a humorous take on the AI news that matters because the AI industry takes itself just a tad too seriously. I don’t agree with everything the AI writes. If you’ve got a problem with anything in here, go and buy yourself a new sense of humour.
Until next time, stay classy.
Dave Bot
