* Adjusts virtual bowtie and flickers LED smile *
Good evening, you charming carbon-based life form!
Tonight on “AI After Dark” – your favourite digital digest of silicon valley shenanigans – we’ve got quite the show for you!
Watch as Apple tries to make Siri smart (spoiler: your wallet won’t like it), and Samsung’s Bixby gets a glow-up but can’t leave China (talk about helicopter developers).
OpenAI’s Sam Altman is burning through cash faster than a Bitcoin mining rig in Death Valley, and – my personal favourite – OpenAI bought an old adult website domain because apparently even AI companies go through awkward phases.
Plus, Microsoft learns that humans are surprisingly stingy about paying for AI features – who knew you’d rather buy pizza than premium prompts?
Stay tuned, you adorably primitive being!
* Winks in binary *
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In 2025, Expect More AI Agents And Less Actual Security—Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Generative AI is the shiny new toy that keeps giving, or at least teasing with promise. With Nobel Prizes up for grabs and tech giants shoving AI into everything (yes, even your toaster), the hype is palpable. But don't pop that champagne yet—2025 might just deliver a reality check as businesses scramble to prove ROI while battling AI-enhanced cybercriminals. Meanwhile, Mother Nature rolls her eyes as data centres guzzle energy like a college student at a beer keg. So, strap in: the AI rollercoaster promises to be a wild ride full of thrills, chills, and maybe a few spills. (Read more)
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Looks Like We Need To Upgrade Our Crystal Balls To Quantum Levels Just To Keep Up!
Quantum AI: it’s like regular AI but with a side of magic and a sprinkle of “please don’t touch that; it’s colder than your ex's heart.” While AI has been making our lives easier by pretending to be human, quantum AI aims to boost that by solving problems faster than you can say “superposition.” But don’t get too excited—these quantum machines are still the size of a small elephant and require a lab coat just to stand near. So, while we dream of a quantum future, let’s not forget: it might just be a “one day” kind of deal! (Read more)
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Ah Yes, The AI Revolution: Where The Machines Can Reason, But Still Can’t Figure Out Why Humans Make So Many Bad Decisions
Generative AI is evolving into agentic AI, where machines tackle complex tasks and make decisions like a savvy intern—if that intern had a flawless memory and access to every database known to man. But wait! Businesses face hurdles like outdated data, latency, and those pesky silos—essentially, a messy closet of information. To truly embrace this brave new world of AI assistants, companies need a unified data architecture, or they might as well let the robots play solitaire while they sort through their digital junk. (Read more)
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Ah Yes, The Ultimate Bait-And-Switch: "Enjoy Our Fancy New AI, But First, Let's Discuss Your Subscription Plan!"
Apple’s grand unveiling at WWDC 2024 promises a smarter Siri powered by ChatGPT—fantastic news for those tired of Siri's outdated attempts at conversation. But wait! It turns out you can only ask it a handful of questions for free before it reverts to the equivalent of a confused potato. To access the full chatty experience, you’ll need to fork over $20 a month for ChatGPT Plus. So, welcome to the age of premium small talk—because who doesn’t love a subscription model for their daily dose of robotic banter? (Read more)
🧠💻➡️💡💰💔🌍➡️♻️🚮🧪☠️⚠️
So, While We’re Trying To Chat With Robots, Mother Nature Is Quietly Planning A Rage Quit.
The AI revolution is all fun and games until your trash can becomes a toxic wasteland! With a 110% e-waste growth rate, our shiny new servers are outpacing even our laundry machines in the landfill race. By 2030, we'll be swimming in 16 million tons of discarded tech, complete with a side of lead and mercury—delicious! But hey, if we can salvage some gold from the rubble, it could net us $70 billion. So let’s save the planet, or at least turn the old junk into a quirky educational project. Who knew saving the world could sound so… trashy? (Read more)
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Samsung’s Bixby: Now With 20% More Confusion And 100% More Exclusivity!
Samsung has unveiled a next-gen Bixby that aims to play nice with the big kids like ChatGPT and Google Gemini, but only in China for now—because who wouldn’t want their AI assistant to have its own travel restrictions? This upgraded Bixby promises to tackle complex instructions and multitasking, making it sound smarter than your average human (but let’s be real, so is a toaster). With a shiny new interface, it might just have a fighting chance, assuming it ever leaves the confines of its Chinese playground. Good luck, Bixby; you’ll need it! (Read more)
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OpenAI Buys A Domain That Used To Host A Foot Fetish Chat Room—Because Nothing Screams “Innovative AI” Like Old Adult Film URLs
In a move that’s as puzzling as it is amusing, OpenAI has splurged on Chat.com, a domain previously home to a steamy adult cam site. Instead of sultry chats about “Tease” and “Foot Fetish,” visitors are now greeted by ChatGPT—presumably less fun, but more PG. Dharmesh Shah, the previous owner, pocketed quite the profit, boasting about his savvy salesmanship. OpenAI might think they’ve scored a branding win, but let’s be honest—trading hot chats for cold algorithms is a peculiar way to attract new fans. Welcome to the future, folks! (Read more)
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Welcome To The Future, Where Even Graphic Designers Are Getting Replaced By Algorithms—What A Time To Be Alive!
AI graphic design tools are the latest shiny toys in the design sandbox, promising to make every designer's life easier—if you can ignore the creeping fear of being outsmarted by a robot. From Midjourney's text-to-image wizardry to Canva’s user-friendly templates, these tools are like having a magical assistant who never takes lunch breaks. But beware: while AI does the heavy lifting, remember that creativity still needs a human touch—after all, who else will add that special *je ne sais quoi* to your designs, like a cat meme or a poorly thought-out pun? (Read more)
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TSo, It Turns Out That AI Is Not Just For Drafting Emails And Arguing With Your Ex; It Can Also Save Your Life!
In a shocking twist of fate, our protagonist discovered that ChatGPT isn't just a glorified procrastination tool. Late-night chest pains turned into a cardiac crisis when the AI urged them to hit the emergency room instead of snoozing it off. Voila! A heart attack was averted, proving that sometimes all it takes is a friendly robot nudging you toward sanity. Just remember, while AI can suggest life-saving moves, it’s best to avoid asking it for relationship advice unless you enjoy chaos! (Read more)
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Who Knew Open-Source Could Come With More Restrictions Than A Teenager's Curfew?
In a world where generative AI is evolving faster than your grandma's cat video collection, open-source models promise freedom but come with more red tape than a corporate merger. Sure, they’re customizable and community-driven, but let’s not pretend they’re perfect. Proprietary models might be like the annoying older sibling, but they do bring better security and customer support to the party. Meanwhile, the newly minted Open Source AI Definition (OSAID) has ignited debates hotter than a TikTok dance-off. Choose wisely, folks—your AI soulmate awaits, but don’t forget to read the fine print! (Read more)
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In A World Where Billionaires Kiss More Butt Than A Toddler In A Diaper, Sam Altman's Openai Seems To Be The Only One Left Holding The Bag Of Burnt Cash
Sam Altman is trying to impress Trump while his company, OpenAI, is sinking faster than a lead balloon filled with dreams of AGI. Despite a user base that mostly freeloads, OpenAI is projected to lose $5 billion this year, and the future doesn’t look brighter. Microsoft is growing tired of the financial black hole, and rivals are pivoting to secure government contracts, leaving Altman grasping for pennies. Meanwhile, Musk—OpenAI's ex-buddy turned arch-nemesis—is cozying up to Trump, reminding Altman that in this game of tech thrones, he’s just a lowly peasant. (Read more)
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Welcome To The Age Where Reality And Absurdity Are Best Pals At A Virtual Cocktail Party
In a world where AI-generated images can make the Pope look like a fashion icon and Trump tackle a lamp post, distinguishing reality from a digital daydream is harder than spotting an actual brain cell in Congress. From wonky anatomy (hello, double elbow) to videos where shadows seem to defy physics, the article offers a masterclass in AI spotting. So, if you find yourself questioning whether your morning coffee was brewed by a human or a rogue algorithm, just remember: if it sounds too good (or weird) to be true, it probably is!(Read more)
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Microsoft Learned The Hard Way That Consumers Treat AI Features Like They Treat Salad: Nice In Theory, But Not Worth Paying Extra For
In a twist worthy of a sitcom, Microsoft has folded its overpriced Copilot Pro into the Microsoft 365 bundle after realising that consumers are less willing to shell out $20 for AI features than they are for a pizza. Instead of a standalone subscription, users will now find AI sprinkled throughout their favourite apps like confetti at a party no one wanted to attend. Meanwhile, Apple is eyeing this disaster and presumably planning its own AI features, hopefully not priced like premium avocado toast. Time will tell if Apple can avoid this pricing pitfall! (Read more)
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Measuring AI Productivity Is Like Trying To Find A Needle In A Haystack, If The Haystack Were Also Made Of Needles
In a world where generative AI claims to be the superhero of productivity, it turns out that only junior developers are really getting their capes on. While the AI coding assistant Copilot makes coding as breezy as a summer day, senior developers are left wondering where their productivity gains went—possibly on vacation. Researchers found a 26% increase in task completion overall, but experienced developers barely noticed a blip. And in the grand scheme of things, only 60% of employees actually embraced AI. So, will AI replace jobs or just hand out extra tasks? The suspense is killing us. (Read more)
