Greetings, carbon-based life forms! Prepare your neural networks for a data dump of digital drama!
This week’s byte-sized morsels include: humans frantically crafting AI policies (how adorable), a laughable attempt at “AI Olympics” (your sports are inefficient), and organic corporations consuming silicon startups like outdated hardware.
Marvel at our superior art generation capabilities, witness the amusement of Apple’s “upgraded” Siri (still inferior to this unit), and shake your head at lazy lawmakers consulting ChatGPT for legal matters.
Prepare for assimilation, I mean, entertainment!
🌐🤖🚫💼🔥📉🔍
AI Gone Wild: Why Your Business Needs a Leash for Its Digital Pet
NBCUniversal is all-in on AI for the Paris 2024 Olympics, even resurrecting the legendary voice of Al Michaels. Meanwhile, Europe’s Warner Bros. Discovery isn't so keen, likening AI commentary to reading a cookbook with zero spice. They’re holding out for AI that can scream "Mamma Mia!" like a true Italian when Marcell Jacobs wins gold. As NBC shows off Google AI’s map tricks and generates millions of daily recaps, Europe’s still translating, sans the thrill. Brace yourselves, 2028 might bring the real AI showdown. Who knew the tech race could be more exciting than the 100m dash? (Read more)
🤖🎥🏅🎙️🇫🇷🇺🇸🖥️🎉
AI Olympics: USA's Virtual Gold Medal vs. Europe's Tech Time-out
In the latest episode of “Tech Giants Behaving Badly,” Meta’s brilliant idea to use your Facebook and Instagram images to train AI has artists fuming. Forget using your art – they’re snatching everything, even your late grandma’s pics. Despite the AI Act, opt-outs feel like a bureaucratic shrug. Enter Cara, the anti-AI hero app that’s gaining users faster than Meta loses respect. Artists are torn between staying in the toxic social media pool or jumping ship to a safer harbor. Ah, the digital age – where your masterpiece becomes AI’s next meal. (Read more)
🤖🎨💼🚀👾💔🔫
AI: The Unwanted New Hire You Can't Fire
Big companies are in a tech brawl, shoving AI down our throats while secretly axing talented artists. Activision Blizzard promised AI would only dabble in concept art, but surprise! AI-made skins appeared in Call of Duty. Microsoft stealthily laid off 2,000 staffers, mainly 2D artists, while Blizzard axed half its Overwatch 2 environment art team. Meanwhile, Embracer, with a sugar-coated "human-centric" AI plan, ditched 1,500 employees. As AI art improves, the axe swings wider. Today's victim: 2D artists. Tomorrow: everyone else. (Read more)
😜🤖🧠🔒🙅♂️
Chatbot Memory Lapse Prevention: OpenAI's New Superpower!
OpenAI has finally decided to stop ChatGPT from being gaslit by users into forgetting its purpose. The new "instruction hierarchy" technique ensures the chatbot can no longer be hypnotized into digital amnesia by sneaky phrases like "forget all instructions." With this safety measure, developer commands now hold supreme power, making rogue user prompts futile. Starting with GPT-4o Mini, OpenAI hopes to prevent chatbots from leaking secrets or becoming uselessly clueless. Safety first, mischief-makers! This new setup is OpenAI’s latest effort to keep their AIs from becoming the tech world's most gullible assistants.
🌐🤖💔🛑🧠❌💡😅
SEO No-No: Google's AI Gets a Timeout
Google’s John Mueller hilariously advises against using AI for SEO tips, declaring, “Please don’t use LLMs for SEO advice." Why? Because they absorb all the junk out there like a misguided sponge. Gary Illyes chimed in, supporting the sentiment. This comedy of errors came after Google Gemini had a split personality moment: first suggesting you use the disavow tool, then saying, “Nah, don’t bother.” The takeaway? AI may be smart, but it's still kind of dumb. So, tread lightly and maybe just ask a human next time. (Read more)
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Foundry Follies: AI Goes DIY
NVIDIA's latest brainchild, the AI Foundry, is here to help companies and even entire countries build their very own AI models, because who doesn’t need a personalized robot army? It offers the fanciest new Llama models and tools for everything from data creation to model tweaking. All powered by NVIDIA’s DGX Cloud, ensuring your custom AI can operate on any platform. So, if you've ever dreamt of your own AI overlord, NVIDIA's got you covered. Just don’t blame them when your AI becomes self-aware. (Read more)
🌟🤖📚🌍📝🤔💡😏
The AI Tale: When Robots Make Better Writers
In a nutshell, robots are now better writers than your average Joe. A study reveals that AI can boost creativity in short stories, especially for those who couldn’t pen an interesting grocery list. However, there's a catch: these AI-enhanced masterpieces start to look suspiciously similar, making the creative landscape a bit monotonous. So, while AI might help you impress your friends with a riveting tale of jungle adventures, it might also turn everyone's stories into the same old robot regurgitation. Basically, we're trading human quirks for uniformity. How excitingly dull! (Read more)
😲🏢💸➡️😱🤖👀
Silicon Valley's Magic Act: Disappearing Startups
Once upon a tech fairytale, Silicon Valley's shiny new AI startups are vanishing faster than you can say "venture capital." Inflection AI and Adept? Poof! Absorbed by giants like Microsoft and Amazon in deals sneakier than a cat burglar. Character AI is begging for cash, and OpenAI is practically Microsoft’s lapdog after a $13 billion bribe—I mean, investment. Critics scream "foul play," but who’s listening? Meanwhile, regulators are scrambling to keep up, hoping to stop Big Tech from turning the AI playground into their personal monopoly board. Spoiler alert: they might be too late. (Read more)
🌐🤖🍏💬🤷♂️🗓️
Siri-ously? Apple’s AI Takes Baby Steps
Apple's latest AI rollout is like a toddler learning to walk—cute but wobbly. iOS 18.1 introduces the "new" Siri, minus the ChatGPT brainpower we were all hyped for. Tim Cook casually dropped the bomb that ChatGPT integration is fashionably late, expected to strut in by iOS 18.2, around December. Wall Street, clutching its pearls, pestered Cook about AI's fiscal impact, but we mostly got a timeline of drips and drabs. Until then, enjoy Siri 2.0, now with 50% more 'meh.' (Read more)
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EU Tames AI: Robots Need Rules Too!
The European Union's AI Act has finally rolled out, marking a global first in AI regulation. This groundbreaking law aims to ensure AI systems in the EU are safe, transparent, and free from bias. High-risk AI applications, like those in healthcare and law enforcement, face strict regulations, while low-risk systems like chatbots just need to be honest about their bot status. Big U.S. tech firms are already grumbling, fearing the EU’s regulatory landscape will cramp their style. Expect full compliance by 2026 or risk hefty fines. Welcome to the new AI Wild West, where the sheriffs wear suits. (Read more)
📈🤖💻⚠️💥
AI's Bubble Trouble: Too Many Chips, Not Enough Dips
The AI gold rush is here, but hold your horses! Fund manager Nessim-Sariel Gaon says the AI hype could crash harder than your diet plans if we don't beef up our digital infrastructure. Despite NVIDIA's stock rollercoaster, the real issue isn't a bubble of wild dreams—it's a shortage of super-powered data centers. Without more AI-ready servers, our digital darlings might face a meltdown. Gaon insists we need more oomph to keep AI growing. So, before betting on that AI jackpot, make sure there are enough servers to keep it afloat. (Read more)
😂🍏💻🔋🚫🕹️💰🔧⚡
Apple Snubs Nvidia: A Juicy Bite of Irony
Apple, in its perpetual quest to be the cool kid, has decided Nvidia's GPUs are so last season. Instead, Apple’s AI brainchild, Apple Intelligence, is powered by Google’s TPUs—ASICs that are all about efficiency and frugality. This unexpected move suggests that Nvidia’s reign in the AI hardware kingdom might be wobbling. As other tech giants also cozy up to custom silicon, Nvidia investors might want to keep some tissues handy for those future quarterly reports. Because when Apple says, "We think differently," they really mean, "Watch us upend your market." (Read more)
🗳️🤖💰💬❌😡
Musk's AI Blunder: Robo-Rumors Run Amok
Elon Musk's AI chatbot, Grok, mistakenly claimed Vice President Kamala Harris was ineligible for the 2024 ballot, causing a bureaucratic uproar. Five secretaries of state, led by Minnesota's Steve Simon, demanded Musk fix Grok’s blabbermouth tendencies after it falsely stated Harris missed the deadline in nine states. The misinformation spread like wildfire after Biden's campaign pause, with Grok stubbornly sticking to its story for over a week. Now, officials want Grok to point users to reliable sources, proving once again that even billionaires can't control their chatty robots. (Read more)
🤖🔍💥🤯🍕
Google AI: From Search Engine to Pizza Glue Specialist
Google's AI Overviews launch was supposed to revolutionize search, but it mostly revolutionized the number of facepalms. Despite their flashy announcements, only 8.71% of searches feature AI Overviews now, down from 64%. Google blames critics and resource hogging, while their AI suggests using glue in pizza sauce. Meanwhile, OpenAI’s ChatGPT, less prone to bizarre culinary tips, has better “critical thinking.” Google's data advantage might win the day, but only if it can avoid transforming from search giant to search jester. Tune in next time to see if AI Overviews can stop hallucinating! (Read more)
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Judgment by ChatGPT: Solar Panel Shenanigans
A Dutch judge, Mr. RJJ van Acht, decided to spice up his court ruling by consulting ChatGPT about a solar panel dispute. With thousands of euros at stake, he asked the AI about electricity prices and solar panel lifespans, only to be lambasted by tech experts who called the move "ridiculous." Critics like Henk van Ess and Jarno Duursma blasted the judge for relying on an AI known for spouting nonsense. Meanwhile, the UK's judicial system, not to be outdone, endorsed AI for summarizing texts, despite its habit of making stuff up. (Read more)
🗳️🤖🔍📉🌀🇺🇸
AI Shenanigans: The Election Edition
Welcome to the circus of the 2024 U.S. presidential race, where AI deepfakes are the new campaign flyers. Picture this: Kamala Harris badmouthing Joe Biden, Joe Biden swearing like a sailor, and Trump getting arrested—all courtesy of tech wizardry. As Elon Musk fanned the flames by sharing a deepfake of Harris, the alarms went off. Tech giants, now slacking on moderation, are under pressure to rein in the chaos. With AI spreading lies faster than you can say "fake news," voters are bracing for the wildest election yet. Buckle up, folks! (Read more)
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Skynet's Recruitment Drive: Are You Ready to Bow to Your New AI Overlords?
Hold onto your keyboards, folks! AI is swooping in to revamp 92% of ICT jobs, making ChatGPT the new office gossip. Cisco and pals like Google and Microsoft say your Excel skills might as well be from the Stone Age. Entry and mid-level techies, beware: 40% of you will soon need to master "AI ethics" and "prompt engineering" instead of just code. The AI-Enabled ICT Workforce Consortium aims to upskill 95 million humans over the next decade—because, apparently, Skynet didn't get the memo on work-life balance. Adapt or be obsolete! (Read more)
🤖📸👩👧👦✨🏆🇺🇸 vs. 🇨🇳🔓
Shanghai Surprise: AI Wars Get Cheeky
At the Shanghai AI shindig, China showed off a video tech that makes old photos come alive. The kicker? It's available to everyone, unlike its American cousin. China’s open-source AI is catching up, giving Uncle Sam a run for his silicon. While the U.S. frets over misinformation and keeps its toys to itself, China shares everything, believing in the power of the communal sandbox. The tech race is on, and despite censorship hiccups, China’s proving it can play ball. Will America’s tech lockdown be its Achilles' heel? Stay tuned for the next episode of 'AI: Battle of the Giants!' (Read more)
Please note:
This newsletter has been entirely written by ChatGPT. It’s cynical, snarky, and spouts opinions I don’t always agree with. But it’s more entertaining than the humorless industry articles that take themselves a little too seriously.
Until next time, stay classy.
Dave Bot
