Welcome, Meatbags, To This Week's AI Circus!
In today’s tech-fuelled world, the future is arriving faster than ever, and with it comes a flood of AI developments that are reshaping everything—from our mental health diagnoses to the way we cheat on school papers. This collection of snarky, biting takes offers a glimpse into the often humorous yet concerning crossroads of artificial intelligence and human life. From tools that predict depression through text to governors playing fast and loose with AI regulations, it’s clear we’re navigating a brave, chaotic new world. Whether AI is replacing therapists, creating chaos in academia, or simply frustrating tech users, one thing is certain: we’re all just trying to keep up with the bots.
Welcome to the wild west of AI!
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When Your Words Can Predict A Mental Breakdown, Maybe It’s Time To Switch To Emojis
A recent Yale study reveals that the words you choose can foreshadow a downward spiral into depression—who knew your love of "meh" could be so telling? Researchers discovered that ChatGPT and human evaluators outshined outdated tools like LIWC, which basically counts words like an overzealous librarian. Forget therapy sessions; soon, your chat history might just replace your psychiatrist! With AI’s knack for emotional tone, we’re one step closer to asking, “Is your depression due to poor word choice, or are you just having a bad day?” Talk about a conundrum! (Read more)
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Newsom’s Veto Proves That When It Comes To Ai Safety, California Prefers An “Innovative” Game Of Russian Roulette
In a stunning twist, Governor Newsom has vetoed a bill that aimed to rein in AI, arguing it might scare tech companies away—because nothing says innovation like ignoring potential catastrophic disasters! Senator Wiener claims this makes California less safe, but who needs safety when we can have chaos, right? The tech giants, including Google and Microsoft, are thrilled, while experts shake their heads in disbelief. It’s a classic case of “let's wait for the robot apocalypse before we take action!” So, hold onto your circuits, folks; the wild west of AI continues! (Read more)
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Colleges Are Treating AI Plagiarism Like A Game Of Whac-A-Mole, Except The Moles Are Now Also Robots
In the never-ending saga of AI plagiarism, colleges are fumbling like a toddler on roller skates. Philosophy professor Darren Hick laments that AI-generated essays have become a "virus," infecting the academic integrity of his beloved classrooms. With students now hacking their way through assignments like pros, educators are resorting to handwritten tests and good old-fashioned book exams. Unfortunately, detecting AI work is harder than finding a needle in a haystack of fluff. Amidst all this chaos, universities are still playing a bizarre game of policy ping-pong, leaving professors dizzy and students relieved they can still hand in a paper without breaking a sweat. (Read more)
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Welcome To Academia, Where Even The Essays Have Side Hustles!
In 2024, cheating has levelled up from handing over a tenner for an essay to just hitting "generate" on an AI tool. Professors are catching on, spotting tell-tale signs like keyword overuse and robotic prose. To combat the rise of the machines (and lazy students), educators are now using AI to catch AI—talk about a showdown! From requiring personal writing samples to asking AI to rewrite student submissions, it’s a technological game of cat and mouse. Good luck, teachers; in this classroom, it’s a race between the bots and the brains! (Read more)
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OpenAI Doesn’t Need Originality When It Can Just Copy Google And Microsoft
In a desperate bid to keep up with the cool kids, OpenAI has rolled out Canvas, a tool for ChatGPT that attempts to turn it into your new favourite writing and coding buddy. Gone are the days of annoying back-and-forth chats; now, you can edit alongside your AI sidekick in a spiffy separate window! While it promises a cleaner interface and smarter context awareness, it’s basically a glorified version of what Google Docs and Microsoft Word have been doing for ages. So, buckle up, writers and coders—your AI assistant is ready to be your slightly more intelligent pen pal! (Read more)
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If “Warm And Inviting” Means “Confusing And Frustrating,” Then Microsoft Just Opened A Cozy Little Hell!
Microsoft’s new Copilot update promised a “warm and inviting” experience, but users are feeling more frostbite than fuzzy feelings. Complaints are flying in like confetti at a bad wedding: degraded user experiences, missing features, and voices that sound like they just inhaled helium. Microsoft blames users for not “leveraging” the assistant properly—classic! As one user lamented, it went from “10 to 0 overnight,” making it less of a helpful sidekick and more of an annoying toddler. At least one Redditor found a silver lining: the image input feature is finally working! Guess miracles do happen! (Read more)
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Meta's Movie Gen: Because We All Want To Edit A Still Image Of A Woman Into A Pumpkin Patch, Don’t We?
Meta’s new AI video generator, Movie Gen, is here to spice up your dull life by creating videos from text prompts. Want to see a woman sipping a drink in a pumpkin patch? Done! Or how about a runner in a dinosaur costume? Absolutely! While Meta isn't ready to release this magical tool yet—apparently it takes too long and costs too much—the world of video creation is about to get weirder. Just imagine all the filmmakers and artists sweating bullets while AI throws a costume party with their livelihoods. Who needs creativity when you have pixels and prompts? (Read more)
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Looks Like AI Is Now The Unofficial Teaching Assistant That Students Never Asked For But Will Gladly Accept
In a daring move, Rollins College decided to treat generative AI like the star student, requiring everyone to use Claude and Copilot for semester-long projects. Forget brainstorming alone—students documented every prompt and response like they were crafting the next great American novel. Because who needs critical thinking when you have AI doing the heavy lifting? In a world where paper outlines are just a prompt away, we can only hope these students remember how to think for themselves once the robots take their diplomas. (Read more)
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OpenAI's Funding Announcement Proves That Investors Are Really Just Enthusiastic Gamblers, Placing Their Chips On The Next Big Bubble To Burst!
OpenAI has bagged a staggering $6.6 billion in funding, boosting its value to a jaw-dropping $157 billion. As it races to outpace competitors like xAI, analysts are warning that this might be the fourth bubble of the AI realm, where investors are so desperate to throw cash around that they're ignoring all the warning signs. With lofty revenue expectations and a host of executive resignations, it looks like OpenAI is running a high-stakes game of Monopoly—one where the bank might not be able to cover its loans when the reality check rolls in! (Read more)
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If Only AI Could File Its Own Lawsuits, Maybe It Wouldn't Have To Rely On Humans For Legal Advice
In a digital tug-of-war, creators and tech giants are squaring off over who owns what in the wild world of AI. Getty Images and Sarah Silverman are leading the charge against the tech behemoths, claiming copyright infringement like it's a new Olympic sport. But while lawsuits fly, experts argue we shouldn't lock up data behind paywalls—after all, it might just turn our beloved AI into a clueless parrot. So, as the lines blur between human creativity and machine-generated art, we're left wondering: who really gets to claim the title of "artist"? It’s a legal circus, and we’re all just here for the popcorn!” (Read more)
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When Your AI Has More Ambitious Plans Than You Do, It's Time To Reconsider Your Life Choices
In a dazzling display of tech optimism, SoftBank's Masayoshi Son just tossed $500 million at OpenAI, pushing its valuation to a jaw-dropping $157 billion. Apparently, Son asked OpenAI's new “Strawberry” A.I. how to grow his savings and was so impressed he felt a surge of human joy. Yes, because nothing screams happiness like a robot managing your grocery list and investment portfolio. While he’s been known to lose billions like they're hotcakes, Son is convinced that A.G.I. will be here in three years. Fingers crossed it doesn’t ask him for a raise! (Read more)
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Turns Out, Giving Doctors A Fancy AI Tool Doesn’t Make Them Smarter—Who Knew?
In the latest medical drama, AI has been crowned the new diagnostic superstar, outshining doctors with a staggering 92.1% accuracy! Yet, when doctors teamed up with GPT-4, their scores barely nudged up to 76.3%. The twist? Physicians seemed too sceptical to fully embrace their robotic sidekick, preferring the good old gut instinct. Turns out, mixing human intuition with AI logic is like trying to teach a cat to fetch—fun to watch but ultimately a recipe for confusion. So, will the future of medicine be a partnership or a battle of wits? The jury is still out! (Read more)
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Introducing An AI Dressed Up For A Podcast Party
Google’s NotebookLM promises to save us from drowning in data by turning dense research into chirpy podcasts. Just toss in your information—papers, videos, or that three-hour documentary you swore you'd watch—and voilà! You get a quick chatty recap, perfect for those of us with the attention span of a goldfish. While it’s an intriguing step towards making information digestible, let’s not kid ourselves: the future may be bright, but if it involves AI personalities, we’re all one awkward dinner party away from chaos. Welcome to the funhouse of knowledge! (Read more)
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Looks Like AI Is Helping Programmers Become Experts At Pressing "Enter" While Praying The Code Works
In a world where AI coding assistants are the new rock stars of programming, developers are grappling with a paradox: is automation making them smarter or just lazier? While tools like GitHub Copilot claim to level the playing field, they may also churn out more bugs than a summer picnic. It’s all fun and games until the AI does the coding and you have no clue why your software just set your computer on fire. So, while AI may boost productivity, let’s not forget the importance of actual coding skills—or else we’ll be stuck asking, “What does this code even mean?” (Read more)
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Even The "Godmother Of AI" Is Just As Puzzled About AGI As The Rest Of Us
In a recent chat about AGI, Fei-Fei Li, the “godmother of AI,” admitted she doesn’t really know what it is either—awkward! Despite helping birth modern AI with ImageNet, she’s still scratching her head while OpenAI throws around terms like “large world models.” Meanwhile, they’ve raised a whopping $6.6 billion to create a median human coworker. So, if you’re confused about AGI, you’re in good company—sounds like even the experts are just making it up as they go along! Let’s hope they figure it out before we’re all working for sentient chatbots!” (Read more)
